Are you different too?

I am writing this blog as a way to connect to others who have are living some of the same things as I am. I have spent most of my life just trying to fit in and I am exhausted and have to accept that I am not happy trying to live like how I think I am supposed to live. I am certainly not far off in a commune.... although I think that would make more sense to me than how I live now... and yet it is so difficult for me to move....I am a mother of a teenager, I am a semi-single parent meaning... I don't live with my daugther's father. but we do see him. I am lucky to have a job that is not easy for me, but pays the bills and keeps me living... like we do here in the west.... I am stuck in this because of all the dreams we (I) live here...... being self sufficent and working at a respectable job.. It is hard to let go of this job. (even if it is killing us )(me) I feel like I need to do something else.. but don't know what. So I will continue I think for now, until I figure out what I need to do.. if I have the courage to do something different...

My daughter is going through some hard times at school. She is not like the girls she goes to school with. It seems they have alot to say about her...and they really let her know she is unacceptable.... she is very smart.... but lives virtually, writing and reading on the computer. It makes sense to withdraw, if you don't feel accepted. We could easily be labeled losers and probably would be by some people. I accept that..... I am a loser at fitting into a society that is so sick..... it is killing the planet we live on because it is easier than changing........ scary isn't it? I have tried the get married, have kids and live happily ever after, only it just wasn't happily ever after. I am educated and have that job, I work hard all day at something that pays me and I learn many things there but something is missing...I just can''t accept that this is all there is to life..you live with your little family, work, spend money, pollute, help a few people and then you die. The way we are living is asking, no begging for change.... maybe I am one of those people who need to find some other way to live....maybe we losers can band together and find some other way to live with a purpose, a sense to life..I look around and see the way we live and distract ourselves ( me included). This keeps us from the feeling of emptiness that makes us drink or eat or play on the computer all day. LIFE IS ALL AROUND US BUT SOME HOW WE ARE AFRAID TO LIVE IT ... TO LET GO OF THE CONTROL WE THINK WE HAVE AND BE A PART OF LIFE.....What would it take for us to see the world and the things we have all around us that support us ever day in living air, plants water ......friends? We need desperately to find a way of changing the way we see life. More to follow....